First, submission is about a willingness to surrender your will to the will and leadership of someone else.  IT DOES NOT MEAN BECOMING OR HAVING A SLAVE!!!

Second, the ladies in our ABF didn’t have a problem with following their husbands.  I wonder if this is just us or is that most women I know.  Hmmm. . . anyway. . .there are some things that we guys could do better that would help them WANT to follow us as husbands.  Here’s what they had to say:

• “If my husband would communicate better/more.” – Got that guys?  Don’t just make decision and run with it.  Share your plans, your decision making process, and your motivations.  Oooooo. . .that stings.  I’m really bad at this and have to work very hard on this area in my marriage.
• “It’s difficult to follow when I sense he has a disconnect with God.” – They are saying that when we stop spending time with God and seeking His heart, they know it and it’s more difficult to follow us.  On the other side, when we are pursuing God’s heart our wives can tell it and that’s a good thing.
• “Show me some appreciation.” – When was the last time you thanked your wife for the things she does. . .even if just being married to you?  This would also entail including her on decisions, LISTENING to her, and asking her opinion at times.

For their homework this week I asked the guys to spend some alone-time with their wives – no TV, no kids, no computer.  And during that time I wanted the husbands to ask their wives what the guys could do to make it easier for their wives to follow them as husbands.  It will be interesting to hear what the ladies told them.

And you?  When was the last time you asked your wife what you could do to make it easier for her to follow you?

As far as the church (our churches) goes here’s what I wrote.

But I was drawn Jesus’ words, “You have forsaken your first love.” The more I thought about those words the more I thought about the church’s relationship to Jesus.  He is their groom and the church is his bride.  In essence He was saying that his bride had lost their love for their husband. . .their spouse.

As I mulled these words around in my mind this morning I couldn’t help to wonder about my own marriage.  I remember when we got married – the excitement, the wonderment, the awe, the amazement that God would bless me with such a gift.  Then I began thinking, after only a year and three months, would Cindy know if I had stopped loving her like I did when we first got married?  Would she be able to tell if I was just going through the motions?  Am I more madly in love with her today than I was the day we joined our lives together?  I wrestled with these questions.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. I am more madly in love with her today that I was the day we were married!
2. I never want to get to a place where I ‘m just going through the motions – I want to do what I do because I love her. . .AND I want her to know it!
3. I never, ever want her to wonder if I’m just going through the motions – doing the right things without the right reasons.
4. If she ever thinks I am, I want her to call me on it.
5. If I find myself going through the motions, I want to be man enough to admit it, repent of it, and begin falling back in love with her.

What about your relationship with your wife?  You just going through the motions in your relationship with her?  If not, keep it up!! Our world needs more men like you.  You can help by encouraging and teaching others what you’ve learned about keeping the love fires hot.   If you are just going through the motions, Jesus said there was a solution.  I think it’s risky,  but it’s His remedy not mine.  He says we need to admit we’ve forsaken our first love; first to yourself, second to God, and third to your wife.  This takes guts.  It takes courage.  It takes a willingness to do things right and be obedient to God – love God and love others, most especially your wife.  Then Jesus tells us to repent, or turn from just the motions and turn back to your wife.  This may mean getting rid of anything and everything that attracts and distracts your love away from your wife.  Finally, Jesus said we shoudl get back to doing those things that you did when you first started falling in love with her.

Like I said, this could be risky, but it’s the right thing to do.  Just remember, just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing.  Guys, it’s up to us to take the lead in our families.  It’s up to you to make things right.

Mike

Here’s the cool thing that I piqued my interest – they would meet and have church.  That’s right, in the pursuit of their passion or interest they would have worship, Bible study, pray for one another, and share the gospel – all the things that we do in “church.”

Then it hit me!  How many guys do I know who have definitive interests – fishing, hunting, cycling, motorcycles, lifting weights, running, technology, finances, their jobs, and a bajillion more I just don’t have time to jot down, that could use those gifts, passions, and interests to reach out to other guys?

I remember when I lived in Lufkin, Texas I rode with the Angelina Bike Club.  We met every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday to ride mile after mile together.  Some went to my church, some attended other churches, some didn’t go to church at all.  But cycling was my bridge to this group.  It was what I lived for.  I prayed for them.  I encouraged them.  They encouraged me.  And I got the chance to minister to those guys.

When I moved to Saraland, AL I bought my first Harley.  Man! Did I have a blast using that bike that reach out to people. . .to guys in the same way.  Tom Briand and I went on many a ride on our Harleys.  We prayed together.  We encouraged each other and on several occasions we were able to encourage other guys.

What about you, men?  What’s your passion or interest?  And how can you use it to reach out to the men in your circle of influence?  What if you said something like, “God, I love doing/participating in ________________, I give it to you to reach men who share the same passion.“  Then, you begin open your eyes to who God leads you to.  You may have to join a club or organization.  Maybe not.  You may have to hang out with some guys you normally wouldn’t.  But aren’t those the guys we want to reach anyway?!

If we are going to change our families and communities we are going to have to change the hearts of men.  And that takes men willing to take a risk.  Men who will use their interests, hobbies, and passions to reach out to guys from all walks of life. It will take men who are willing to be bold.  Men who are willing to step out on faith and trust God.

Take the challenge!

Mike

It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? We want to be something we’re not, but we don’t want to change to become it, do we? We want to be more like Christ, we want to be successful, we want to be loving husbands and fathers, but we don’t want to change.

Here’s a great question for you, guys, “How do you supposed we become more like Christ in our homes, relationships, workplace, communities, and church if we don’t change our hearts and mindsets?” To be honest, I don’t have a clue.

Change – the last frontier of our lives, yet the constant in all of life. Change brings life. Change brings new and with new comes life. Your body is constantly changing – some of you would definitely agree with me – but, it’s that change that rejuvenates life. A lack of change and rejuvenation ushers in stagnation and with stagnation death – death of the heart, our passions, and the mind.

God has been changing me lately – my mind and my heart. My life got to the point that it seemed that my anger was raising it’s ugly head all the time. I haven’t had to deal with my anger and its sinful outbursts in a long time. My outbursts scare Cindy. She reminded me that every time I get angry it costs me something – money to replace or fix something, my relationship with her and others, even my relationship with God. Something needed to change and change quickly!

Through some great counsel (thanks Scott) I’ve begun to read through a book that’s been around a while, but is having a dramatic impact in and on my life. It is T.W. Hunt’s The Mind of Christ. Did you know that you can have the mind of Christ? Do you realize that to have the mind of Christ is to be in complete harmony with God and God’s desires? I want that. I want to be so in tune with God that I’m free from the bondage of sin and sinful thinking.

Did you know that to have the mind of Jesus requires change? YEP!! Make no mistake about it, this is a process. It doesn’t happen over night, though there are some biblical principles that will make an immediate impact (change) if you begin applying them to your life and your relationships. I’m working through the process now, asking God to change my heart, my relationships, my loyalties, my prejudices, my thought process and I’m seeing God in a whole new light.

I’ve also asked some men, a band of brothers – fellow warriors who knows about struggle and life change – to pray for me and hold me accountable for my anger. They are. In fact one fellow warrior asked me about it this past Sunday morning. Thanks Terry. Keep it up.

Life, the life in Christ we can all have is about change. Life changes. . .we change, but do you want change for God?

As God teaches me I will share with you.

I would ask that you pray for me and pray for Cindy. Pray that God will give me opportunities to share what He is teaching me with other men who struggle as well.

Mike

Fortunately for me, God knew my needs and began to provide some incredible resources.  First was Promise Keepers.  They were just getting started and their speakers, events, and resources helped me understand the principles of how a godly man and husband is to act.  Second, God began placing godly men in my life.  Men who were in the corporate world and struggled with some of the same day-to-day issues I did.  They showed me how to live out the principles Promise Keepers was teaching me.  I dont’ think any of them know the depth of their impact on my life and future ministry.

As God moved me from the corporate world into ministry, he placed me under the wings of Gene Wilkes.  Gene has been an encourager, fellow runner-cyclist-triathlete, as well as a mentor when it comes to ministry and marriage.  God has also provided me several friends in ministry who continue to have an impact on my life.  Guys like Stacey, Steve, and Scott.  Seems like you have to have a name that begins with an “S” doesn’t it?  During different seasons in my life God has placed men like Grant, Billy,  Randy, Vince,  and Ed to see me through those seasons.

I am who I am because of the influence of Godly men God placed in my life.  But, besides the personal effects these godly men have made on my life and my desire to paint a picture for today’s men, statistics bear out the need for active ministry to men.

According to Focus on the Family’s Promise Keepers at Work . . .

• When a child is the first person in the family home to come to faith, the rest of the family will follow 3.5% of the time.
• When a mother/woman is the first person to come to faith, the rest of the family will follow 17% of the time.
• When a father/man is the first person to come to faith, the rest of the family will follow 93% of the time.

Now that’s a difference worth striving for.

Patrick Morely states that for for every ten men in the church. . .

• 9 will have kids who leave the church.
• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying.
• 6 will pay the monthly minimum on their credit card balances.
• 5 have a major problem with pornography.
• 4 will get divorced, affecting 1,000,000 children per year.
• Only 1 will have a biblical world view.
• All 10 will struggle to balance work and family.

Additionally, most pastor I have spoken to over the my 10 years of ministry say their one of their greatest needs is more leaders – more male leaders – in their churches.  They have experienced a shift from men being the active leaders – as opposed to positional leaders – to the women of their church being the active leaders in areas of Bible study, outreach, and ongoing ministry.

The need is there and it is great.  Men, especially men in the church, need a picture of what a godly man looks like.  And we want to help.  Won’t you join us?

Mike

Dungy said that coaching or winning a Super Bowl was not his main purpose in life.  He stated that glorifying the Father was his main purpose.  How profound.  Here’s a guy that is constantly working to be better. He’s won the biggest football game on the biggest stage and stated, while that is the pinnacle of coaching, it’s not the pinnacle of his life.

Tony reminds us, men, that our jobs, that promotion or raise, that championship, the bigger house or better car are not to become the main things in our lives.  The main thing is not even our children or our wives.  Nope!  It’s none of those things.  It’s to glorify God.  None of those things, in and of themselves are bad.  But they are not to be the main thing in our lives.  The main this is to raise God up in our jobs, in our relationships, in our homes, and in our circumstances.

So what’s your main thing?

I have to admit, it’s a challenge.  It can be done.  I know guys who do it.  But, even they didn’t learn to do overnight.  You won’t either.  So start small.  Change your attitude at work – see your place of employment as a mission field rather than a mine field.  Start praying with and for your children.  Do the same with your wife or girlfriend.  Get involved with a small group of guys that will hold you accountable for your actions, words, thoughts, emotions, etc.

It takes guts and we have to let go of our pride, but we can do it!  Let’s accept Coach Dungy’s challenge and begin making glorifying God the main thing in our lives.

M ike

As he shared, his heart came pouring out and tears flowed. Then I watched as three other men began helping this fellow warrior back to his spiritual and emotional feet. With questions, comments, words of encouragement, Scripture, and affirmation I watched this young man’s countenance change. Was he all right? Was everything back to normal – whatever that is? Nah, don’t think so. He was better. Did he know that there were three men that had his back? Definitely! Did he feel like he was fighting alone? Not by a long shot.

God, thanks for allowing me to see four men come together and become a band of brothers. It was amazing. You are amazing! Bring us together even closer.

What about you? Got a band of brothers you can run to or know has your back when you’re too tired and beat down to fight any longer? Why not? It takes time. It takes honesty. It takes trust. Most of all, it takes risk. If this man had not risked, he would still be carrying around this burden by himself and he would fighting alone – just like the enemy, isn’t it?
Get a group together. Start somewhere, but just START!!

Mike

You see, do-es and don’ts give us structure. . .boundaries. They tell us if we’re successful and if we’re winning. They let us know what the score is – whether we are doing good or falling behind. Do-es and don’t tells us the status of things at a glance. They’re stuff we do – hands on – or stuff we don’t do – hands off. Do-es and don’ts set our course. They’re black and white. There’s no gray area to muttle our thinking or perspective.

Relationships, on the other hand, are a man’s kryptonite. . .his weakness. They drain us. Why? Because relationships are somewhat vague. We have to invest and don’t always get out of them what you put into them. You don’t always know where you stand and we aren’t always in control. Relationships aren’t something we conquer as in something we “do” and lift our hands in victory while doing the Rocky dance around the house or office. And while do-es and don’t are pretty clear cut, relationships can be messy and often times confuse us. Relationships also require us to compromise at times and there may even be some gray areas that we may struggle with. For men, relationships are hard.

Then I thought, “but what does Jesus want from us. . .with us?” Sure,there are some things we should do and some things we shouldn’t – see the 10 Commandments. But even they are meant to help or strengthen our relationship with God and with each other. I think Jesus is looking for a relationship. Of course, it can be difficult. Yeah, it’s out of the comfort zone of most men. No doubt, a relationship with GOD can confusing at times. But getting to know GOD and His desire for me as a man takes that kind of risk from me. . .and from you. It takes time and commitment. It takes accepting that I’m not in control, then turning that same control over to GOD. It takes investment of resources, emotions, passions, abilities, and the like. A relationship with GOD means that I’m confused sometimes and I don’t always know what the “score” is. It also takes sacrifice. And, yes, sometimes there are some gray areas that I may not be comfortable with. But it’s a relationship with GOD – the creator of the universe, the one who formed me and knows my intricate parts, the one who loves me so much that He already sacrificed for me~He gave me His Son on the cross. Why wouldn’t I want to have a relationship with someone like that?  Why wouldn’t I want to be in and develop a relationship that will give me more than I can ever give it?
Where are you? Are you a Do-es & Don’ts kind of guy, but desire a relationship with GOD Almighty? Make the commitment today and ask the Holy Spirit to help you. He will.  It takes time to commit to the relationship and get past the do-es and don’ts, but stick with it.  If you do I guarantee the results will be far better than sticking with the list of stuff you do and don’t do.  Besides, when do you run out of stuff to do and don’t do?  That confuses me.

Mike

3 This is what the LORD says to the men of Judah and to Jerusalem:
“Break up your unplowed ground
and do not sow among thorns.

 4 Circumcise yourselves to the LORD,
circumcise your hearts,
you men of Judah and people of Jerusalem,
or my wrath will break out and burn like fire
because of the evil you have done—
burn with no one to quench it.

When I read that passage the phrase “circumcise yourselves to the LORD, circumcise your hearts“, really jumped out at me.  Now I know we men don’t like to think about circumcision and I’m really glad it’s done at or near birth.  Don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through that event as an adult – my eyes squint and my jaw clinches.

Then again, GOD is using circumcision at a metaphor for his command for us to set ourselves apart. . .to cut away the things in our lives that keep us from being holy and readily available to God.  Things like pride, self-centeredness, unfaithfulness to God, our wives, and our families, eye-wandering when a lady walks by, surfing the net hoping to “accidentally” stumble upon a web site with some short-lived eye candy or intentionally looking at pornography, whatever it is that is keeping you from being available and set aside for GOD’s purposes needs to be circumcised – cut away with and discarded.

Men, we need to consecrate ourselves for GOD and His purposes.  And every day we put our feet on the floor we need to be cleansed.  So how do you circumcise your life and your heart?  How do you consecrate yourself for GOD’s purposes?

We begin with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  It’s through his shed blood on the cross that we are made holy and can have a personal relationship with GOD (Heb 9:21-23;  Col 1:22).  And, because we are human and we’re guys, we mess up.  So now we confess our wrongs to GOD.  1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  Then we repent – turn away from our sin and the stuff we are doing and turn to GOD (Acts 3:19).  We are to turn toward His principles and desires for our lives.  This means we will have to identify those things in our lives that cause us to sin and stop doing them and start doing those things He desires of us:  spending time with Him, talking with Him, being obedient to Him, taking risks for Him, faithfully loving our wives and children, and much more.
Next, I believe we must pursue the things of GOD – the heart of GOD, His righteousness, His holiness, His love, His mercy, His grace, His desires – so that they become a part – an integral part – of who we are as men.

This is where I am – learning about being consecrated to and for GOD and His purposes.  I am also learning that to be the man GOD designed and desires me to be I must circumcise those things in my life that prevent me from being readily available to and for Him.  I’m working through the identification process – identifying those things that make me unholy, those things that I need to confess and repent of before the LORD.

What about you?  Ready to become the man GOD designed and desires you to be?  Commit to circumcising your life and your heart for Him.
Mike

“Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” – v. 25

Did you get that? While Jesus was addressing the Pharisees’ accusation that He was casting out demons by the power of Satan, he was also giving us a good word – our families need to be united! They need to be together, going in the same direction. Everyone needs to be working from the same play book. Use whatever metaphor you like, the meaning is the same.

Don’t take this lightly. As I read this verse, my pastor’s words came to mind – “Men, get our house in order.” There needs to be NO divisiveness.

Realistically, guys, you aren’t going to see eye-to-eye with your wives on everything. And that’s OK. . .we’re different. And aren’t you glad we are? But guys, we have to be the leaders of our families. We have to set the tone. . .the expectations. . .the standards for our families. That’s our God appointed assignment. That’s what leaders do. And you are the God appointed leader of your family.

Don’t think divisiveness doesn’t cause problems in the family? Check out Isaac and Rebekah. Here was a family of deceivers who became divisive – eventually they came together – but their deception carried on for generations.

Jesus was right. A household divided against itself cannot stand. Men. . .leaders. . .unite your families. Set the standard. Take responsibility and step up. I promise, you won’t be sorry.

Mike