First, submission is about a willingness to surrender your will to the will and leadership of someone else.  IT DOES NOT MEAN BECOMING OR HAVING A SLAVE!!!

Second, the ladies in our ABF didn’t have a problem with following their husbands.  I wonder if this is just us or is that most women I know.  Hmmm. . . anyway. . .there are some things that we guys could do better that would help them WANT to follow us as husbands.  Here’s what they had to say:

• “If my husband would communicate better/more.” – Got that guys?  Don’t just make decision and run with it.  Share your plans, your decision making process, and your motivations.  Oooooo. . .that stings.  I’m really bad at this and have to work very hard on this area in my marriage.
• “It’s difficult to follow when I sense he has a disconnect with God.” – They are saying that when we stop spending time with God and seeking His heart, they know it and it’s more difficult to follow us.  On the other side, when we are pursuing God’s heart our wives can tell it and that’s a good thing.
• “Show me some appreciation.” – When was the last time you thanked your wife for the things she does. . .even if just being married to you?  This would also entail including her on decisions, LISTENING to her, and asking her opinion at times.

For their homework this week I asked the guys to spend some alone-time with their wives – no TV, no kids, no computer.  And during that time I wanted the husbands to ask their wives what the guys could do to make it easier for their wives to follow them as husbands.  It will be interesting to hear what the ladies told them.

And you?  When was the last time you asked your wife what you could do to make it easier for her to follow you?

As far as the church (our churches) goes here’s what I wrote.

But I was drawn Jesus’ words, “You have forsaken your first love.” The more I thought about those words the more I thought about the church’s relationship to Jesus.  He is their groom and the church is his bride.  In essence He was saying that his bride had lost their love for their husband. . .their spouse.

As I mulled these words around in my mind this morning I couldn’t help to wonder about my own marriage.  I remember when we got married – the excitement, the wonderment, the awe, the amazement that God would bless me with such a gift.  Then I began thinking, after only a year and three months, would Cindy know if I had stopped loving her like I did when we first got married?  Would she be able to tell if I was just going through the motions?  Am I more madly in love with her today than I was the day we joined our lives together?  I wrestled with these questions.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. I am more madly in love with her today that I was the day we were married!
2. I never want to get to a place where I ‘m just going through the motions – I want to do what I do because I love her. . .AND I want her to know it!
3. I never, ever want her to wonder if I’m just going through the motions – doing the right things without the right reasons.
4. If she ever thinks I am, I want her to call me on it.
5. If I find myself going through the motions, I want to be man enough to admit it, repent of it, and begin falling back in love with her.

What about your relationship with your wife?  You just going through the motions in your relationship with her?  If not, keep it up!! Our world needs more men like you.  You can help by encouraging and teaching others what you’ve learned about keeping the love fires hot.   If you are just going through the motions, Jesus said there was a solution.  I think it’s risky,  but it’s His remedy not mine.  He says we need to admit we’ve forsaken our first love; first to yourself, second to God, and third to your wife.  This takes guts.  It takes courage.  It takes a willingness to do things right and be obedient to God – love God and love others, most especially your wife.  Then Jesus tells us to repent, or turn from just the motions and turn back to your wife.  This may mean getting rid of anything and everything that attracts and distracts your love away from your wife.  Finally, Jesus said we shoudl get back to doing those things that you did when you first started falling in love with her.

Like I said, this could be risky, but it’s the right thing to do.  Just remember, just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing.  Guys, it’s up to us to take the lead in our families.  It’s up to you to make things right.

Mike

I’m reading Tony Dungy’s autobiography, Quiet Strength. It’s a great read and focuses on his struggles and personal walk with God as it does his coaching career. As I read it I’m reminded and discovering some secrets of leadership that have helped Coach Dungy throughout his carer as a coach, father, husband, and Christ-follower.

Here are a few of them:

• Do what we do and do it better than anyone else – don’t try to be like someone else’s business or ministry and don’t let others dictate what you should do
• Do the ordinary things extraordinary – just do the small things well
• Focus on the fundamentals – focus on the basics of what you do, you don’t have to get fancy schmancy
• No excuses, no explanations – stop looking for and finding excuses why you can’t do something
• Focus on the job, not the surroundings – leaders don’t have to have the best, the greatest, nor the latest of everything to be successful
• Whatever it takes – do whatever it takes to be and do what God has called you to be and do
• Worrying about stuff is God’s job, just do what He’s called you to do – don’t worry about your job, finances, or what others think of you, just do what God’s called you to do
• Trust God that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose, even when it doesn’t feel good to me – either you believe this or not, irregardless of your circumstance

I know some of these may be re-stated or redundant, but I like the way he says them. They seem to ring a bell with me. I’m still reading and as I find more leadership nuggets I’ll share them with you as I discover them myself.

Mike

We rode in the Toys for Tots ride here in Mobile, along with some friends from church. It started as a pretty dreary day, but turned into a great day and a great experience for Cindy.

The ride began at the Marine Corp Reserve building.

What a site! Bikers of all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life.

Even Christian bikers.

The ride ended up at Hooters in Tillman’s Corner (it’s just southwest of downtown Mobile) at I-10. We got off the bikes to see what was happening and to get a free souvenir cup from Mobile Bay Harley Davidson and a Krsipy Kreme donut. And I never went in – just in case you were wondering.

The day ended with lunch at the Boiling Pot (great fish and lots of it) and a smooth ride home.

Later I found out that the cups we picked up changed color depending on the temperature of the liquid you pour into it. If you pour something cold into it turns red – the colder the more red it gets. Room temperature stuff is an orange color. I thought it was pretty cool. Never had anything like this before and it was from a Harley dealer. OK, so it doesn’t take much to impress me.

The other day I was drinking something from it at my desk when it hit me that our lives are much like these cups. They reflect what is inside of us. When we are walking with the Lord our lives reflect it. When we are walking away from the Lord our lives reflect it. Even Jesus said, “What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean.’ For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.” ( Mark 7:20-22). Paul wrote about what our lives look like when we are walking with the Lord in Galatians 5:22-23

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

He called these things the fruit of the Spirit or the result of God’s presence in you.

I would suspect that if our lives were like that cup that changes color depending on the temperature of what’s inside then I might be red if I were walking in the ways of God , as in red hot! If I am living for myself then I would turn a dark shade of cool blue. And I confess that there are times when my color changes with the situation or my circumstances. It shouldn’t, but it does.

I honestly believe our lives reflect the one we follow. Part of the process of becoming the man God designed and desires you to be is learning to have a red-hot passion for God and following Him, and Him alone. This means you and I have got to stop trying to be the man our society is telling us to be, or our parents think we should be, or our friends try to influence us to be and start being the man God desires us to be.

Here’s the funny thing about all of this, guys. We’re really good at putting a huggy around us to hide our true color. There are those of us who don’t want anyone to know that we are cold as ice for God. So we wrap our huggy around us and play the cordial game, the “every thing’s alright” game, the “I don’t want anybody to know the truth” game, or the “we’ve got it all together” game (similar to the “every thing’s alright” game). And believe it or not, this happens at church, of all places. At church! The one place you would think we could be honest. Why do we do that?!

Now you might fool me, you may fool your wife (I doubt that very seriously) and eventually you might even fool yourself into believing the lies, but God really knows your heart. And after all, that’s who truly matters.

Gentlemen, stop living the lies. Confess your true color to God, your wife, and even some guys who – hopefully – will come around you with their own honesty and encourage you and become your own Band of Brothers. And if your life is reflective of God’s presence within you, then God bless you and keep it up!

So what color are you?

Mike

I just wrote an article for Catalyst Monthly. Should be in next month’s issue. I’m not sure exactly how to say this–don’t have my mind wrapped around it yet. And it probably won’t come across as very academic. But one of the most over-looked and under-appreciated dimensions of great leadership is guts.

Yesterday I preached about Jonathan climbing a cliff while Saul sat under a pomegranate tree on the outskirts of Gibeah. I love Jonathan’s modus operandi in I Samuel 14: Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. It took guts to climb that cliff. But a little bit of guts saved the nation of Israel.

It took guts for Benaiah to chase a lion. For the normal person, the gut reaction would be to run away. But Benaiah made a gutsy move–he chased the lion. And it changed the course of His life.

Great leaders are gutsy! It takes different shapes in different arenas. But gutsy leaders dare to be different. Gutsy leaders challenge the status quo. Gutsy leaders refuse to play it safe.

And no one was more gutsy than Jesus! He wasn’t afraid of offending Pharisees; touching lepers; washing feet; defending prostitutes; or befriending tax collectors. In the words of Dorothy Sayers:

To do them justice, the people who crucified Jesus did not do so because he was a bore. Quite the contrary; he was too dynamic to be safe. It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround him with an atmosphere of tedium. We have declawed the lion of Judah and made him a housecat for pale priests and pious old ladies.

I just have this growing conviction that what the church lacks is guts. We need more leaders with the spirit of Jonathan; the spirit of Benaiah; and the spirit of Jesus. We need more leaders who climb cliffs, chase lions, and throw Temple tantrums!

It’s not enough to have the truth in our minds. It’s not enough to have the truth in our hearts. We’ve got to get the truth in our guts!

It takes guts to share your faith. It takes guts to tithe. It takes guts to pursue a God-ordained dream. It takes guts to lead a small group. It takes guts to confess your sin. It takes guts to follow Christ.

Praying for guts!

I love what Mark has to say about guts.  Hey guys, it takes guts to be a leader – in your home, in your church, in your workplace, and among your friends.  It takes guts to be different. . .like Jesus.

Do you have the guts to follow Jesus?  To lead your family?  To have an unquenchable passion for God?  To change your community?  To do the right thing when no one else will?   To be different for the Kingdom’s sake?

If not, then like Mark and me, pray for guts.  Pray that God would give you the courage to be the man He designed and desires you to be.

I want to thank Mark for challenging me and allow me to use his post to challenge you.

“Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” – v. 25

Did you get that? While Jesus was addressing the Pharisees’ accusation that He was casting out demons by the power of Satan, he was also giving us a good word – our families need to be united! They need to be together, going in the same direction. Everyone needs to be working from the same play book. Use whatever metaphor you like, the meaning is the same.

Don’t take this lightly. As I read this verse, my pastor’s words came to mind – “Men, get our house in order.” There needs to be NO divisiveness.

Realistically, guys, you aren’t going to see eye-to-eye with your wives on everything. And that’s OK. . .we’re different. And aren’t you glad we are? But guys, we have to be the leaders of our families. We have to set the tone. . .the expectations. . .the standards for our families. That’s our God appointed assignment. That’s what leaders do. And you are the God appointed leader of your family.

Don’t think divisiveness doesn’t cause problems in the family? Check out Isaac and Rebekah. Here was a family of deceivers who became divisive – eventually they came together – but their deception carried on for generations.

Jesus was right. A household divided against itself cannot stand. Men. . .leaders. . .unite your families. Set the standard. Take responsibility and step up. I promise, you won’t be sorry.

Mike